Preparing for a Death of a Parent: What You Need To Know

Published March 8, 2024

In all honesty, no person can ever be prepared to face the death of their parents. It is arguably life’s most challenging thing to go through. Grieving is an intense journey with many ups and downs.

If your parents are entering end-of-life care, we can only imagine the heartache you may feel. Yet, you can keep yourself and other family members from additional stress by preparing. You can prepare for their final moments and the days beyond. And we’ll help you with that.

Planning for a parent’s death also guarantees to have their needs and wishes met. All of you can also have greater peace of mind. Moreover, just focus on cherishing the moments you have together.

In this article, we’ll teach everything about how to prepare for the death of a parent. We’ll cover everything from financial actions to funeral planning. Let’s start.

Medical and Health Care Considerations

1. End-of-life wishes

It’s vital to understand your parent’s end-of-life wishes. Know their preferences for medical care. Ask how they would like to spend their last days, whether at home or in the hospital, and also if they want life-sustaining measures pursued aggressively.

2. Gather a list of valuable contacts.

Compile a list of essential contacts associated with your parent’s end-of-life care. If your parent is receiving in-home hospice assistance, there should be a nurse you can rely on at any hour of the day. Gather contact information of other members of your parent’s care, too. They are:

• Hospice doctor
• Primary care doctor
• Nurses
• Home health aides
• Dietician
• Social worker
• Clergy

Ensure you also know how to call when your loved one passes on. If your parents died away at home under hospice care, you can connect the on-call nurse. If they pass without hospice care, you can contact their doctor and arrange for them to announce their passing officially.

It’s also okay to spend some time in the room with your parents after they die. When you’re ready, you can talk to your funeral provider. Then, arrange to have the body picked up.

3. Know all the ways you can and can’t help.

It’s difficult to watch a parent’s illness get the best of them. You may feel helpless at times. The good news is there are means you can help ensure your loved one is comfortable. Besides, medical professionals are available to offer their guidance and support.

• Ask health care staff about what you can do to keep your parent comfortable
• Ask the doctor for any changes to look out for
• Create a list of other queries you wish to ask the doctor
• Keep a file of your parent’s medications
• Document new or upsetting symptoms your parents experience
• Know who to contact in case of emergency

4. Keep family informed

• Make an effort to inform every family member of your parent’s condition regularly. Aside from calling every one individually, you can also:
• Compile a record and communicate by sending a single email to them
• Start a blog or site to share news, thoughts, feelings
• Make a private Facebook page to keep them in the loop

5. Take care of yourself.

You mustn’t neglect your health. You are going through a difficult time. Get enough sleep. Eat well. Allot a time for yourself. Suppose you need assistance accomplishing chores or daily tasks. Do not be afraid to ask friends and family for support.

Financial and Legal Actions

1. Look for or craft their end-of-life plan.

End-of-life planning or advanced care planning. It involves your parent’s preference related to their end-of-life care. These preferences are included in legal documents. It will go into effect when they cannot speak for themselves.

Ask your parents if they already have an end-of-life plan. Ask to locate its paperwork. If they do not have a plan, assist them to make one.

Your parent’s end-of-life plan must contain the following information:

• Living will
• A durable power of attorney for healthcare
• Special instructions

After your parents describe their end-of-life care wishes, they must complete legal forms. A lawyer can aid with this process.

2. Find your parent’s last will and testament.

A will is a legal account outlining your parent’s desire regarding their assets and estate and how they will be distributed. It may also include arrangements for pets and adult dependents. Also, funeral and burial arrangements.

If your parent does not have a will or wishes to make alterations, help them. Take these steps as soon as possible.

3. Locate your parent’s living trust.

Ask your parents if they have a living trust. It is a document instructing a trustee to properly manage your parent’s money while they are still alive.

With it, the person can pay your parents’ bills or act on decisions about their property or finances. While it isn’t always necessary, knowing if your parents have one is important.

4. Get a durable power of attorney for finances.

This document makes for naming a person to perform financial and legal decisions for your parents when they can no longer do so. Ask your parents where they keep this account. If they do not have one, help them file the necessary forms. Connect with an attorney to help you take the correct steps.

5. Gather other essential documents.

Your parents likely have many records you’ll want to locate, gather, and store. Keeping any identifying data secure can help guard against identity theft. The death certificate also needs your parents’ social security numbers.

• Social security number
• Driver’s license
• Passport
• Birth certificate
• Marriage license
• Divorce decree
• Insurance policies
• Mortgage
• Vehicle titles and registrations
• Passwords for online accounts
• Stocks and bonds
• Taxes
• Pension

6. Make an inventory of assets.

Suppose your parents demand creating a will or would like to update their will. You can help make an inventory of their assets.

Look inside and outside your parent’s home. Begin the list with physical assets. After, note all your parents’ non-physical assets.

7. Create a list of debts.

Craft a list of things your parent owes. The executor of your parent’s will can manage payment for loans, bills, and other debts while your estate is settled.

Debts may include:

• Mortgage
• Car loans
• Personal loans
• Property taxes
• Income taxes
• Utility bills
• Credit card bills
• Cell Phone bills
• Storage fees
• Condominium fees

Like the asset list, keep a record of debts with other vital paperwork. Both lists can help smoothen the probate process after your parents’ passing.

8. Review retirement accounts and insurance policies.

Suppose your parents have retirement accounts or life insurance policies. Ask if they want to review the beneficiaries.

Emotional Care

1. Say goodbye to your parent.

• Is there something you want to express sorry for that happened recently or in the past?
• Tell your parent you forgive them for anything they’ve shown guilt or sadness about
• Be grateful to your parent for being there and let them know how much they mean to you
• Tell your parents you love them. Show your affection any chance you get

2. Record their life

Work with your parents to record things about their lives that you wish to immortalize and will bring them joy to share. These are stories, jokes, recipes, sayings, or anything else that speaks to their personality and life.

3. Find support

Anticipatory grief is the grief you may experience before a person passes. It involves the same emotions as conventional grief but can feel more like an emotional roller coaster: sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, loneliness. You may come face to face with all these. Yet, they come and go.

You do not have to cope with these complex emotions alone. Share your feelings with a caring friend. Join a support group. Meet with a counselor.

Funeral and Burial Planning

1. Talk to your parents about their wishes.

Please discuss this with your parents about their funeral. It’s a complicated conversation worth tapping into. When you know what they want, you won’t be left to make hard decisions alone. It will also grant your parents peace of mind. It will make them feel at ease knowing their wishes will be met.

Find out if they want their remains for a ground burial or cremation. Be patient with this topic. Your parents might have a hard time discussing it.

Next, ask if they want a traditional funeral or direct burial or cremation followed by a memorial service. They may wish for no service at all, too.

Moreover, know their preferences with regards to the following:

• Viewing
• Personal jewelry or clothing
• Ceremony
• Headstone
• Pallbearers
• Music
• Readings
• Flowers

2. Consider pre-planning the funeral.

After you’ve settled all the desires of your parents, it’s time to pre-plan their funeral arrangements. During this, you can connect with a funeral director at your chosen funeral house. You can discuss your parents’ wishes and pricing options that match your finances.